Can Politics Affect Our Sex Lives?

To get right to the point, yes, politics can and do affect and influence our sex lives. But, what does this look like? How exactly are politics affecting us sexually? I didn’t really have a straight answer to this until I came home from work one day and my partner introduced me to a podcast episode she had been listening to called “The Politics of Pleasure” on the podcast “Glad You Came”. This episode features host Georgia Grace, a sex and somatic therapist, and her mentor, Tanya Koens, discussing the politics behind human pleasure.

The Everyday Politics of Sex

The term ‘politics’, as it is being used here, is in reference to the dynamics and decision making from those in a position of power in all levels of government as well as local and international organizations. These dynamics and decisions from an institutional level do influence our social norms, our laws, our positions on morality, our treatment of others, and so much more. While who you vote for and your political party affiliation can absolutely have an influence on you sexually, is it not the main focus of this blog or of the podcast in reference. Georgia and Tanya instead provide us with examples in our everyday lives of how politics can directly and indirectly affect us sexually as individuals and in a relationship.

Privilege Within Sex

One point Georgia and Tanya make early on is that politics can be a huge reason why you are more drained at the end of the day than your partner. They encourage us to think about this from a perspective of having one’s identity questioned, whether it’s regarding disability, gender, sexuality, race, body size, etc. This can take the form of questions like “are you a boy or a girl?”, “what are you?”, “where are you from?”, and even “how much do you weigh?”. If one person is faced with one or multiple of these questions as they navigate their daily life, and their partner does not, they will inevitably feel more drained, othered, and objectified which can lead to a difference in capacity for intimacy, even if the questions are not coming from their partner. Questions like these tend to be rooted in societal beliefs and assumptions from people and institutions that are heavily influenced by patriarchy, capitalism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, colonialism, and sexism. When I look back on my own experience as a woman of colour, it was shocking how many connections I could make between my feelings of objectification and othering to my political environment. I remember feeling so frustrated both now and as a kid when everywhere I went, we were taught to keep our hands to ourselves, yet that never applied to strangers touching my person or my hair without consent, simply because it was different than their own and they wanted to. Situations like these teach us from a young age that societal rules and our boundaries are allowed to be disregarded without consequences if you fall outside the norm. As we grow up these realizations become a foundation for allowing or accepting mistreatment both sexually and generally.

The Politics of Pleasure

Furthermore, Georgia and Tanya highlight that it is that society has determined what bodies are ‘attractive’ and if our bodies do not fall into that category, we are not deserving of pleasure. This narrative has favoured cis men as the subject of pleasure while women tend to be the object, and anyone who may fall outside the heteronormative existence, are not entitled to pleasure. The sexual media, from pornography to sexual intimacy shown on TV, majorly favours the male gaze. It tells us that sex should look a certain way and is only acceptable between certain people. All these conditions and constraints create an atmosphere of sexual shame. According to Tanya, this shame can present itself through not knowing what we like or want sexually, feeling apologetic or guilty about our bodies, feeling as though there is something wrong with us, and feeling guilty about how our bodies naturally function. At the end of the day, everyone regardless of race, gender, sexuality, body size, etc. are deserving of pleasure. The only condition that overrides our right to pleasure, is consent.

Ready to Deconstruct Your Sexual Relationship?

So where do we go from here? How can we navigate the politics of sex? How can we reduce our sexual shame? Sex therapy is a great place to start! Sex therapy is a specialized form of psychotherapy that addresses a variety of sexual issues and concerns with the goal of improving an individual’s or a relationship’s sexual functioning and satisfaction. Sex therapy is meant to be a supportive and non-judgmental space of exploration where we can voice our concerns and also foster a deeper understanding of our sexual health and well-being. These therapy sessions can occur online or in person (hello Kitchener-Waterloo!) and are designed to help address issues like sexual shame, performance anxiety, sexual trauma, relationship issues, sexual pain and much more! If you feel as though sex therapy could benefit you, our therapists are here to help you take the next step to a healthier and more satisfying sex life!

Check out the full podcast episode here!