Home | Therapy for Desire Differences and Low Desire

Encanta Counselling & Wellness

Therapy for Desire Differences & Low Desire in Cambridge, ON

Find your way back to wanting.

Collaborative therapy for adults, couples, and people in relationships navigating low libido, mismatched desire, and everything in between. In-person therapy in Cambridge, ON & online across Ontario.

Encanta Counselling & Wellness

"I should be enjoying sex.
So why am I just enduring it?"

Someone reaches for you, and your first feeling is dread, then guilt for the dread. You love them. You want to want them. But the wanting just isn’t showing up the way it used to. So sex becomes something you manage: initiating before they can, or finding reasons to be busy, or just getting through it.

Or you’re on the other side, the one who’s stopped asking, because every “not tonight” lands like a verdict on whether you’re still wanted at all.

Therapy for desire differences and low desire in Cambridge can help you find your way back to each other.

Discover your true desire.

Does this sound familiar?

Desire differences are one of the most common reasons people come to sex therapy, and one of the least talked about.

You might notice:

Feeling guilty for not wanting sex as much
Feeling ashamed for wanting sex more
Convinced you're broken because your desire has vanished
Resenting your partner(s) for asking, and hating that you resent them
Noticing low arousal, low libido, or a body that feels far away
Experiencing pain or discomfort during sex
Struggling with erections or performance pressure
Avoiding the conversation entirely, because it never goes well

None of this means your relationship is failing. It means you're people with different wiring, and that's workable.

Therapy for Desire Differences & Low Desire in Cambridge, ON

How Does Desire Really Work?

There’s no better or worse here, just different ways desire works. Knowing which one is yours tends to bring immediate relief.

Meet Our Team

Match With a Sex Therapist in Cambridge, ON

We’re a team of sex-positive, queer-affirming, trauma-focused therapists with sex therapy training, and we won’t tell you to schedule date night or try harder. We’re interested in what’s really going on: your context, your body, your relationship, your history. Come as you are, and we’ll take it from there.

Encanta Counselling & Wellness • Therapy in Cambridge, ON • Encanta Counselling & Wellness • Therapy in Cambridge, ON • Encanta Counselling & Wellness • Therapy in Cambridge, ON • Encanta Counselling & Wellness • Therapy in Cambridge, ON • Encanta Counselling & Wellness • Therapy in Cambridge, ON • Encanta Counselling & Wellness • Therapy in Cambridge, ON •

Low Desire Therapy in Cambridge, ON

What We Can Work On Together

Low Desire & Low Libido

Understanding why your interest faded, and what it would take for it to come back.

Desire Differences

Navigating mismatched desire between partners, so nobody’s the problem and nobody’s the patient.

Sexual Shame

Untangling the guilt on both sides: for not wanting it, and for wanting it more.

Anxiety Around Sex

Easing the dread that builds before, during, and after, so anxiety stops running the show.

Relationship Issues

Working through the relationship challenges, such as resentment, distance, and communication breakdowns that desire differences create.

Sexual Pain

Addressing sexual pain or discomfort that’s quite reasonably dampened your interest.

Erectile Difficulty & Performance Anxiety

Whole-person support for erectile dysfunction, offered with warmth and zero shame.

Feeling Disconnected From Your Body

Finding your way back to sensation and pleasure, at a speed that feels good for you.

Therapy for Desire Differences in Cambridge, ON

How We Work Together in Therapy for Desire Differences

In her book Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski describes desire as running on accelerators (the things that turn you on) and brakes (the things that turn you off). Most people go hunting for more accelerator when the real issue is usually a foot planted on the brake: stress, exhaustion, resentment, body shame. So a lot of our work is finding your brakes and easing off them, rather than pushing you to want more.

We draw from a range of approaches:

1:1 Low or Mismatched Desire Therapy Sessions

Personalized support to help you explore your desires as you wish.

Couples & Relationship Therapy Sessions

Relationship therapy that helps you both improve communication and strengthen your bond, so sex becomes a conversation instead of a standoff.

Sex Therapy

Sex therapy for the emotional, psychological, and physical sides of desire and intimacy.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

Identifying and shifting the negative emotional patterns underneath the distance, so you can build a more secure connection.

Gottman Method

Research-based tools to strengthen communication, ease conflict, and rebuild the friendship that desire tends to grow from.

Trauma-Informed Therapy

A compassionate approach to healing from past trauma, creating a safe, empowering space centred on your resilience.

Books & Resources

The science behind desire, plus strategies and reading that help you feel understood rather than broken.

Worksheets

Structured exercises and prompts to help you map your own brakes, accelerators, and contexts between sessions.

If you have responsive desire, you are already normal. No one needs to 'crave' sex out of the blue to be a fully healthy person.

Emily Nagoski, Come As You Are

Encanta Counselling & Wellness

Therapy for Desire Differences & Low Desire FAQs

Should I come to therapy as an individual or as a couple?

It depends! Low desire and desire differences can be an individual thing and a relationship thing at once. If you’re struggling to talk about sex or feeling pressured or resentful, couples and relationship therapy can be a wonderful way to open the conversation. If your partner isn’t ready, or if what’s going on feels more personal, individual therapy offers a safe space to explore sex and intimacy entirely at your speed.

Is low libido the same as low desire?

People use the terms interchangeably, and we lean toward “low desire” because “libido” and “sex drive” suggest something mechanical that’s either running or broken. Desire is far more responsive than that. It shifts with stress, safety, connection, hormones, and context. So if you searched “low libido” to find us, you’re in the right place. We’d just gently offer that your desire probably isn’t broken; it’s responding to something.

Can low desire really change?

Yes. Desire is fluid and ever-changing, and it responds to stress, safety, hormones, relationship dynamics, and plenty more. For some people, the work is embracing a shift in how they experience sex rather than forcing it back to how it was. For others, it’s addressing the specific factors dampening desire and learning to have the conversation with a partner. Both are real progress.

How do I find a sex therapist in the Waterloo Region?

Finding a sex-positive therapist with sex therapy training can be genuinely hard. We offer in-person couples and individual sessions from our Cambridge office, plus virtual sessions across Ontario. Our free consultations make it easy to get a feel for how therapy might look and whether your therapist feels like the right fit.

Is it normal for desire to change after having kids, or during perimenopause or menopause?

Yes, and it’s one of the most common reasons people reach out for sex therapy. Hormonal changes and mental load both have a huge impact on desire. So many people suffer in silence through these big transitions. Therapy in Cambridge can help you navigate the change and figure out what sex looks like for you now, rather than mourning what it used to be.

What if my partner doesn't want to work on our desire differences?

It’s really common for partners to be in different places about their sex life. One of you might be ready to start therapy while the other feels hurt or unsure. Individual therapy is a useful place to begin, and it can equip you with tools and understanding for whenever your partner is ready to join. Often, one person starts shifting the dynamic on its own.

Does low desire mean I'm not attracted to my partner?

Almost never, and this is one of the most painful misreads out there, for both of you. Desire and attraction are different systems. You can love someone, find them gorgeous, and still not feel the pull, because stress, exhaustion, resentment, or your body’s context got there first. Part of our work is often helping partners understand this, since the misunderstanding usually hurts more than the desire gap itself.

Is it normal for desire to fade in a long-term relationship?

Completely, and it’s one of the most common things we see. Early relationships run on novelty, which is a powerful accelerator all on its own. As life fills up with careers, kids, and everything else, desire often shifts from spontaneous to responsive. That’s a change in how desire works rather than a loss of love, and there’s plenty you can do with it once you understand it.

Can medication affect my desire?

It can, yes. Antidepressants (particularly SSRIs), hormonal birth control, blood pressure medication, and others can all affect desire and arousal for some people. We can’t prescribe or adjust anything, and that’s a conversation for your doctor. What we can do is help you sort out what’s medication, what’s context, and what’s relational, so you know what you’re working with.

How long will it take to feel better?

Sometimes people simply need a space to talk about their sex life before things start to shift. For others, the work takes longer, particularly where trauma or long-standing resentment is part of the picture. Most folks tell us sex therapy helps them understand their desire, learn how to talk about it, and walk away with real tools for navigating it. Your therapist will check in on your progress as you go.